Oh, I am sorry!
Had no idea it was this bad.
There is always a way out of this, but as suck we have to hit rock bottom in order to get out.
I think somewhere in our unconscious we think we have to make it this time around. We are so busy fighting for our men for our relationship with the ex’s and others, we overlook many of our partners faults.
Don’t be depressed. A wise man once told me very frankly that we try and stay in our comfort zone, even when it gets really bad.
I asked, but can’t we step out earlier and save ourselves from so much stress and grief. He said everything takes time. We have to change, we have to be pushed over the rim sometimes to finally take a step.
I am in a pretty similar position to yours, but that is clear to everyone, I think. I own the company and I own the apartment we live in including the cabin. H works for me, I am his boss and instead of partnering with me, he walks all over me when he is drunk. He shows and says what he really thinks and feels. And lately he barely cares what he does any more.
I feel like a walking wallet and he is trying to put me down in every way possible when he drinks.
I basically have divorce papers written up, I have to plan my future without him, even if he would still hang around.
I have taken significant control into my hands and I have to figure out how to get him out of my home and work step by step.
I think he knows it’s coming, but doesn’t have a place to stay. I have already searched for a rental and found some affordable options.
Don’t give in, go out, start by small steps, look for a rental, after all you are the breadwinner as I understand.
Can you afford a small apartment for rent? Are you the renter of the place you are in now or owner?
Start by researching your options, if nothing else it will open a way out for you and you will have more options and more energy to go further.
I couldn’t do it over night, I can only go step by step and the further along I am, the more I know what I still need to handle and do. Life gets real, you get more grounded and it is easier to walk to your room and close the door.
I am looking to go out and see a movie by myself.
You still expect your H to be romantic and loving. So there is still some way you have to go to slowly start changing your perspective.
Sometimes we suffer until we can’t suffer any more, than we take action, or start taking action.
Go step by step, you are entering a situation neither of us ever wanted to be in again. We both wanted to be married and live a normal life.
At this stage I am not there at all and going towards what I perceived as a failure, something painful, but not as painful as it used to be. I am at the age where I know I don’t have forever.
You are still young, trust me, you can do so much with your life. Accept that you are miserable, don’t try and be happy, it is easier to admit and fully accept the situations we are in. Once we accept where we are, we can change. Hoping others will change has brought me nothing but misery. I am just older and H is crazy and absent.
A big step for me is that I think of him and what he has said and done, but I no longer miss my husband. I don’t really feel this is a real marriage. Just a really screwed up relationship that I have to find my way around.
So I cannot say just go. Make a plan, plan your own finances. Trust me, once your H won’t have your income, he will very quickly resolve the sale of his house and alimony.
I thought my H was too poorly, too weak to resolve anything, but he jumped like a lion on me. Now I know he will do whatever it takes to survive.
And at this point, I really don’t feel like giving him any money, I will have to pay off the rest of his loan because I vouched for him. Two more years or 2 and a half. I will survive.
I don’t like dealing with this, it is so much easier just thinking of how bad it is and not having to act. But it feels much better once you start even with small steps and changes.
Things sometimes take time. You don’t even have to think of the end result, because it probably won’t be exactly as we envision it, but small steps go a long way, we figure it out as we go.
I think you have tried to make things right and there comes a point when we realize there is not much more we can do for the relationship and turn to ourselves.
Sometimes radical action is taken, as it was in my first marriage/divorce. I suffered for quite a few years afterwards. Sometimes we suffer within the marriage and the walkout comes more organically. Who knows what the future will bring, but listen to your instincts.
At one point I just couldn’t go on any more without signing all the documents. And than it got better, right now we are back to insanity.
Yesterday he accused me of being addicted to not drinking, because deep down I am an addict and am afraid of what I might do if I have a drink, because when he mentions or looks at beer in a store I can’t stand it. He now wants me to have alcohol at home, so he can drink at home too.
It’s like bringing drugs to a junky.
It’s time for me to slowly but surely check out.
By the way, I honestly don’t drink, because I have health issues with my stomach and the rest. I do occasionally have a drink with my girlfriends. I don’t drink in front of him, because that would definitely be a great excuse for him to drink. But he found another way to explain how I fit into the addiction category. He is now asking me to please get help. It’s sickening. Honestly insane.
I think he has gone crazy.