Less and less family ............

Esme

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It's taken me a couple of years to adjust to the idea that I have very little family left! My only real family now are OH and SS. Which is fine. No parents and not on good terms with my sibling - and probably never will be again. It's a strange thing though - our lives seem a bit smaller for it. Less people to think about and talk to and we all get in each others hair sometimes - but not too much.

So what is the thing to do when you have less and less family? Just curious if there's a blueprint for it! Make some new friends I guess.

I suppose most people have grandchildren so expand their family. As we are older "parents" that isn't likely to happen for a long time (at least I hope so! SS is too young for that). And I will never be a biological grandparent anyway. Although I suppose that's the same for adoptive parents.

Gone from no parents, to just OH and I to suddenly being a family again since SS came to live with us - which is good. But so many adjustments. I am just going with the flow. And it's a real blessing having SS live with us - lots of future things for him to achieve. Even if it's a rollercoaster at times 🤣
 
I haven’t noticed these new posts.
This is a topic close to me. I have both of my parents still with me, but my relationship with my father is long distance and has been for decades. He comes over. I can’t just get up visit him, I have to take care of my business here.
My mother lives in the same city as myself, but we are not that close and I hardly see my sister and nieces.

So as far as my family goes, I feel alone and abandoned quite often. I am not saying it is all their fault, it is just a feeling I have.
I’ve been diagnosed with asthma, before COPD and had issues with breathing and desaturation and my recovery is slower than I expected.

I get depressed more often and lately have been having anxiety attacks, especially regarding work.
I work with a friend my age, she is standing in until my EDD returns from maternity leave.
Just yesterday she cried in the office from overload - stress and H calmed her down. She work for us only part time and has started working for another company. She said it is too much for her.

She blames everything on me, any difficulties, even issues with internet and phones, we had a storm and something was damaged. The repair and response was too long.

I haven’t been so stressed in a long time, so I wonder if it can be transferred from others to me. Now that I am more clear on what is going on with others, I am slowly realizing it is not my stress only, but I am affected by others too. But as the boss, I have to keep it together and be positive.
That is sometimes very difficult to do and it is getting more difficult as time passes.
The friend is difficult and doesn’t have a filter. She can turn the environment into a highly stressful place and I can’t stand it so I avoid it. I think everyone does.
We have 2 and a half more months to go with her and she does the job, so I cannot label her as a complete negative.
She has an idea how things should be run and tries by force to run it her way, to which I objected in part, but some of her approaches were good and we adopted them.
The difficult part of this is, she prepares something, I am talking about reports and never even runs the ideas by me. She than says you have it all on the server under… and that’s it for her.
It turned out we didn’t use it and I told her why. Her answer was, it has been there for two months and by now you should know about it. I have worked so hard on it and you have no appreciation for me.
I didn’t know. I have other things to do and because of all these issues I have difficulty focusing on the business.
And than to top it off, she tells me it is my duty to enforce her ideas.
I think she forgets who actually runs the company and my priorities are in optimization and sales. Without sales and quick responses there is no business to run and I am the only one doing it right now and it is difficult for me.
Instead of supporting, she just makes things worse.
I considered letting her go, but we honestly can’t manage without her right now, with a bit more than 2 months to go.

My point is, I feel very lonely in this situation. Can’t really talk about it to H as we are both in a similar situation and yet very different and he has a better relationship with her, but knows she is difficult.

I have friends who are mostly older than me and retired or busy with their own issues.
I do have a councilor, but he is away at the moment, his son has a heart condition and had a difficult operation. - considering his situation, mine is really minor.
He helps with life and business decisions, he is a coach and himself a businessman and his advice or just having someone to listen to me is very helpful.
I prefer an outsider to friends or family, because I never know who will use it to their advantage, or simply say, you should look at what you are doing wrong, because my mother has a high opinion of her and others have absolutely no interest.

In that sense I feel very alone.
But recently I have read that having just a few people around is not so bad, I know good friends are hard to find and I only have very few. I know people and we are friendly, but there is a big difference.

I have also realized that being too closed off with no friends is not a good idea. We can become too dependent on people we live with and when things are stressful, we have no escape and we need someone, something to vent and change the scenery.
 
I'm sorry to hear all that Maya. Yes I think I need to widen my circle of friends - which is not that easy in a small area. My life seems a bit overtaken with teenage arrangements as well. I have a couple of good long standing friends at a distance and we keep saying - we must meet up - and never getting round to it.

I think breaks and holidays are good for destressing.
 
Thanks. We all had some viral infection this past week and I reread what I wrote. It is exactly how I felt, but things have changed for the better now.
It’s interesting how my perception changed once I got better.
I guess my anxiety goes up while sick or too tired.

As for teenagers, small children small problems, older children bigger problems.
I didn’t have much free time either, but I think it would benefit you to cultivate your friendships. It is an effort, but it’s worth it.
 
I'm reading this late Maya - I don't know why I don't get alerts as I would reply or try and help if I read the emails where people are suffering.

I'm so sorry that just sounds horrendously stressful. And she really sounds like a controlling muppet.

Re your line: I haven’t been so stressed in a long time, so I wonder if it can be transferred from others to me. Now that I am more clear on what is going on with others, I am slowly realizing it is not my stress only, but I am affected by others too. But as the boss, I have to keep it together and be positive.

Absolutely it can be transferred!! If you are highly empathetic (as I can be at times) then you take on others stress or negative emotions (on the flip side you can take on the really happy vibes too of course). It sounds like you are coping much better but definitely having an outlet for the next 2 months is a must. SOmething social? Do you play any sports? Thats always my outlet (although seem to be constantly injured). And I have joined a book club which is very social. We often forget to talk about the books until right at the end. Is there a park run in your area? Do'nt worry if you aren't a runner as loads of people walk it. AND don't forget this will take some time to settle in and make new friends. It won't happen on the first attendance or even until the 3rd or 4th. I've moved countires 3 times now (Japan, UK and now Canada) and each time I forget how long it can take. But I always try and do something social that I enjoy so at the very least I am out and about and talking with different people.

Honestly I can't believe your friends behaviour. I don't know how you mentally flip that around but clearly she is incredibly insecure about her career/work otherwise she would do a brilliant job and respect you as the boss without all the deep control and deep neediness when she has done something? Glad you are feeling far better now though.
 
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