This is something that has become more recognised in recent times. It's not surprising it's quite common, considering the multiple issues second wives and stepmums have to deal with. Many people don't understand the complex situations. It isn't just being with a man who has an ex he shares children with and all the schedules for co parenting (and in some cases the major dramas that go with that). There are many issues. For example, if your partner's parents are still best friends with his ex and invite her to events - which can feel awkward. Especially if the step children will be there as well. Or your partner has adult step children, who have children of their own and your partner's ex is Grandma - and you don't get invited to family occasions. All these things create more reasons to have to communicate with your partner over difficult topics. He can feel in the middle and pressured and you end up arguing about all the relatives and family events.
You may have the same surname as your husband's ex wife, once you're married - and post goes to the wrong person causing embarrassment and sometimes upset. Or you are mistaken for each other by professionals who phone up.
Then there are all the day today issues. Childrens lunch boxes and maybe being told the lunchbox you've prepared isn't good enough. Swapping childrens clothes after the stepchildren have been for the week-end. Clothes and PE kit ending up in the wrong place.
One big issue can be "too much communication". If your partner's ex texts day and night over various issues to do with the children. Or the school run, if your partner needs your help doing the school run but the ex doesn't like it.
There can be so many "issues" - big and small and they all take up mental space. Until you find you have no mental space left to remember who you are.
Stepmum depression is real. It can be a low level depression where you're just flat and exhausted and have no joy. Apart from the total overload of "issues" - there is juggling the dynamics of stepfamily life, maybe trying to work as well and finding child arrangements keep changing and impacting on your plans and ability to have time to relax. It's easy to start feeling unhappy, however much you love your husband or partner. Many Stepmums definitely need support and an outlet and to share with those who understand these issues. That is what we are here for. And remember - you are amazing, you deserve respect, and you deserve to be able to manage life in a way that allows you time to relax and remember who you are. Some of this is organisation and strategy. In the middle of all these demands and schedules - pencil in time every day where you are not doing something for someone else.
The article linked below gives more information
www.huffpost.com
You may have the same surname as your husband's ex wife, once you're married - and post goes to the wrong person causing embarrassment and sometimes upset. Or you are mistaken for each other by professionals who phone up.
Then there are all the day today issues. Childrens lunch boxes and maybe being told the lunchbox you've prepared isn't good enough. Swapping childrens clothes after the stepchildren have been for the week-end. Clothes and PE kit ending up in the wrong place.
One big issue can be "too much communication". If your partner's ex texts day and night over various issues to do with the children. Or the school run, if your partner needs your help doing the school run but the ex doesn't like it.
There can be so many "issues" - big and small and they all take up mental space. Until you find you have no mental space left to remember who you are.
Stepmum depression is real. It can be a low level depression where you're just flat and exhausted and have no joy. Apart from the total overload of "issues" - there is juggling the dynamics of stepfamily life, maybe trying to work as well and finding child arrangements keep changing and impacting on your plans and ability to have time to relax. It's easy to start feeling unhappy, however much you love your husband or partner. Many Stepmums definitely need support and an outlet and to share with those who understand these issues. That is what we are here for. And remember - you are amazing, you deserve respect, and you deserve to be able to manage life in a way that allows you time to relax and remember who you are. Some of this is organisation and strategy. In the middle of all these demands and schedules - pencil in time every day where you are not doing something for someone else.
The article linked below gives more information
Singing the Stepmother Blues
If the general culture truly cares about marriage and family values, it would do well to listen to the voices of stepmothers. Many stepmothers are filling a void without recognition or understanding.
